If the 'Grapes of Wrath' has taught us anything surely it is that the sheer determination of the human spirit to party down will overcome even the most crippling of economic situations. Not even the dust bowl could stop the Joad family from going on a hilariously wild cross country road trip the likes of which were hardly ever seen again until Tom Green and Co. took off back in 2000 to retrieve a pornographic video tape before it could destroy a healthy young relationship. So if you're like me and there is more old shirt buttons in your pocket than actual money do not fret, you can still rock the Casbah without shame or guilt simply by following these helpful party tips!
1. Medical Waste Bins Are A Treasure Trove of Party Supplies: Within each of these bio-hazardously wonderful red bags are soiled latex gloves for ballons, bloody tissues for whacky party gags, and used hypodermic needles for your friends with substance abuse problems!
2. Invite Homeless People To Your Party and Call It a Charity Ball: By taking advantage of a few of the less violent street people in your neighborhood everyone is a winner. They can stay warm for a few hours, you collect tax free cover charges, and your friends get to brag to their co-workers about attending a fancy ball!...no one has to know it was in your mom's fruit cellar.
3. Hire Children As Your Wait Staff: Children are the robots of the future today. Their low food consumption and ignorance concerning contemporary labor laws and fair wages make them the ideal servant for any social event. Be sure to humiliate and imprison one of them to set an example for the others!
4. Try Serving Plastic Food For Hors Dourves: Personally I think it is a bit of a waste to stuff peoples faces with delicious and expensive food that is only going to end up at the bottom of the toilet bowl. However, if you serve plastic food to your guests no one consumes anything, and all of your goofy actor friends will have a great time staying 'in character ' pretending to eat. Plus you don't have to worry about lawsuits steming from the ingestion of rotten food because this year the leftover 'Spookey Egg Salad' you turned into 'Jingle-Bell Salad' won't go bad between Halloween and Christmas!
5. Take a Page From the Hill-Billy Play Book and Make Your Own Alcohol: Sure store bought liquor is both legal and slightly tastey, but who wants to spend $25 on getting drunk when a gallon of wood varnish, a dash of paint thinner, and a hint of cinnamon will accomplish the same thing at half the price!
So don't let the collapse of our finacial system have you feeling blue, just take advantage of my patended penny pinching party tips and save yourself a little green!
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